Chief Pest Officer
You:
An individual contributor responsible for running a portfolio of slow-down-the-business activities, impacting both Customers and internal teams. This role combines bad temper with genetical negativity and profound cynicism.
What we want you to do:
- Be the devil’s advocate, always and without contain. Contradicting yourself should not be a blocker
- Find new ways to slow down the business with the worst repercussion on frustration felt (your main KPI)
- The ability to handle multiple complex pest streams at the same time
- Ability to complicate problems quickly and inefficiently ensuring customer pain and if possible failure
- Meet with high profile customers including senior business leaders like the CIO, CFO and CEO, feeling confident presenting complex additional problems presenting them as features
- When required, discuss and negotiate more complicated, rip-the-customer-off business terms, contracts and deals with the company and end-customer mutual failure in mind
- Happy to complain to direct sales as and when called upon
Basic Qualifications:
- Being cynical to an extreme
- Having no friends and if possible being at war with all your family
- Experience in upsetting people of all background
- Being rude when needed (i.e. most of the time)
- Fluent in a dialect of English, hard for both native and non-native speaker to understand (e.g. Slang)